WHAT TO SAY OR DO AFTER A DEATH
HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU TO USE
The mourner may be touchy or crabby sometimes. Again it is because they may be so overwhelmed with their loss. Please be patient.
Don't tell the mourner that everything works for our good, because if that person does not believe in our Savior it could do more harm than good. There's no way they could ever understand it. God may use a tragedy in some way, but it could be 1 day or 20 years later. Let's wait to use this verse until later.
Don't ever tell the mourner that God never gives us more than we can handle. It is true, but right now the person needs to feel the love of our Precious Savior and will learn this on their own.
As an adult you know the pain of death will ease up at some point and life will go on. You also know everyone has to deal with the death of a loved one at some point. With that said, take care of the child inside of you. When my mom died, the adult me was okay, but it was the little girl Susie inside of me who lost her Mommy. It's that little child inside that didn't understand death and would cry herself to sleep every night for months. During the day the adult me know how to cope, but when I got home I didn't need to be strong. I could let the child out and feel my pain of loss. Think about it for a while and see if your child inside is the one crying for their loved one or best friend. Then do something to take care of the child in you. When I hear of someone dying, I give them a 30" soft teddy bear. The last time I sent one my dear friend was in hospice dying of cancer. She told me she held the teddy bear every night when she slept or if she had a bad day. That was the child in her comforting herself. She died with the bear next to her.
A few years before my Mom died, I saved a voice mail she had left for me on my home phone and one line said, "I love you, my baby." In our parents eyes, I think we are always seen as children so in some ways that child lives inside of us until we die. That is why the adult you needs to do what you can to take care of the little person inside. When death knocks, what can you do for you that would help comfort that child inside? What gave you a feeling of peace or helped you feel safe? Don't worry what the world thinks. This is about you and helping you get you through your own pain. Maybe there is a place you used to go with your loved one that holds special memories for you. If so, go there, but take Jesus with you. Do whatever you can do to trigger a good memory and take care of you. Most of all whatever you do bring Jesus with.
What can you do to help the person grieving - PRAY – LISTEN - UNDERSTAND - LISTEN - DO NOT JUDGE - LISTEN - BE PATIENT – LISTEN - AND NEVER TELL THE MOURNER AFTER A SHORT TIME THEY SHOULD BE OVER IT AND MOVE ON!